Holding The Sword Of Pride And Intuition.

The rain is clearing, the sun is arising and the clouds seem oblivious, leaving a rich blue sky. That's what my life seem like now. The "my time" of what seemed to consist of minutes seems like lots of hours. The hectic life that i live has calmed, as in the errands have vanished. This week I want to experience the feeling of boredom which has been a rare feeling during the past couple of months. Yep, that's right months not weeks. But it's not the boredom you feel when being an audience in a debate. It's the type of boredom you feel when your in our room on a Sunday with hours of time on your hands not knowing what to do.
Alike my previous entry I mentioned my horoscope and since my future was correctly predicted, I read my horoscope for the week. It stated that my life would take a rather large change on Tuesday and that somewhere i will have to start making decisions through the week which will have a great impact. So far, nothing of the sort has come up but it could be one of those things where you need to deeply look into to understand. But i do have to admit the week has been different, I can't really put my finger on it but all I can point out is to say it's somehow different.
I really have to credit this week for improvement, I'm finding myself, my peace. I'm playing better tennis. My hits are improving and they are more precise and powerful than ever. I observed that about myself in training. Even better I found a training partner this week. I haven't started a training session yet but we've sessioned one which lies ahead in the future.
I wonder what I'm going to do this weekend. Go over to a friends? Shopping? Isn't that the beauty of not knowing what your going to do when the weekend arrives. I love mysteries, riddles and adventures. I have a great curiosity. I'm the type of person who doesn't want the answer when given a riddle, unless I think about it non-stop and it boils my head for two weeks and i still haven't found an answer. I'm that kind of a person.
This week i encounter haters of whom I'd had grudges. Two of them. On the way back from my pleasant walk, I looked forward to the comfort of home where I would be able to relax and have my own personal space and act however the heck i want. Unfortunately i came across the pair of girls who I hated very much the year before. I will not mention any names because if I did it would be my sin. Well anyway, as I walk by, words come out of their filthy mouths. I have to admit though they weren't as harsh as fuck or cunt but you could say it does hurt. Yes, i do use that word among my friends and they use it back but it's very different when you speak words among your friends compared to people whom you scorn. With friends you have that understanding while many barriers have been broken allowing you to act more freely. In this scenario I did not retaliate, why? I did not want to cause drama, I wanted a silent night and i was too tired. In a way that was totally not my personality, if I had seen them at a time where I was more settled I would have loudly argued. If I were with a friend I would have had confidence to give back and scar them in there mind. There's one thing that I will not take and that is bullshit from others. Back to the topic. I walked off, like I had never cared and ignored them completely as if they weren't even there. That's what i usually do to escape situations, I just ignore situations I don't like. I just block people out from my view if I'm uncomfortable with it. Am i scared of what will happen next if i open my big mouth? That's the thing with me, I don't really think twice, I just say things which pop up in an environment where I feel uncaged. I mean realistically, if everyone thought twice every time they said something then the world would be boring and i can tell you that I myself with many other will lose their temper. I keep going off topic. Anyway, after i walked off and arrived home, those words played. I didn't want them to let me down. I then went to my room, looked in the mirror and just stared. In my mind I though to myself. I'm better than them. I'm better in all sports than them and I'm healthy and fit. They can shake there butts all they like and waddle but they'll never possess what I have. I'm much smarter intellectually and I have better ability to reason and to understand. I have many more connections with people who serve the community, I have a heard voice in the community. I have self control and have awareness. Unlike them I do not smoke, I never intend to. I don't hang out with other junkies when night falls and jig school. I intend to have goals in life, experience every bit of life all the way and venture in the depths of the world. I also don't intend to drop out of school and work at any first job I'm offered... I hold dignity. After the moment of rapid, streaming thoughts, I whispered to myself. "I am much more of what they are." That is the truth. I am a stronger person than the two together. There is no battle to be fought, I have already won. Whats the point of stabbing a soldier "on the other side" when they have already deceased? You'll just make a mess and splatter the blood everywhere. I was able to redeem my pride and build on from what seemed like lost for a mere matter of minutes from a disturbed word repeated. I'm not diligent to redeem my intuition and pride back, I still have it with an addition. I am puissant.